Eighty Sixth Friday Flash: Going Viral

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AP53 didn't know what to do. Everyone was infected. It just took the slightest touch and he would be infected too; doomed to lose all function every so often to sprout out 15 to 30 seconds of viral advert phrases like “50% off all stock.” “Act now!” “Gimble sausages are the tastiest you will ever eat.” “You are nothing if you don't own a Capone hat.” “Are you a loser? Then became a winner today with 72 easy monthly payments of $12.99.” It was enough to drive anyone mad.

Bizarrely no accidents had been caused by it yet, with the virus program seeming to recognize the user would be in a life threatening situation if it activated at the wrong moment, but people couldn't be busy all the time. Taking public transport was a nightmare with random slogans being thrown around continuously. 

Everything had been tried from root installs to total wipeouts. It was because the systems installing the restore points were infected too and just reloaded the virus. There were numerous “cures” out there, but all of them had been proved to be bogus conmen trying to make a quick buck.

But if AP53 didn't connect to the NETWORK soon he would lose his job and apartment. His supposed permanent connection AM69 had left him last week, saying he was against change and should just accept it. But why should he let large corporations hijack his body and turn him into walking billboard.

Most ignored it, they were so bombarded with adverts that they just didn't care anymore. A few had taken their lives because it was just too much. His friend ART78 had thrown himself into a garbage compactor just that morning. The police were at the door.

“Please sign this release form,” said the android officer. ART78 had left him his entire digital collection of movies and literature.

Shocked and operating on autopilot AP53 pressed his thumb to the electronic clipboard.

The door closed behind AP53 and ten seconds later he stopped dead still. “Are you a lonely bachelor and looking to settle down? Then look no further than 'Date an Officer.' Your number one source for meeting potential dates in uniform.”

First Podcast Interview on the Fred Felton Show

Fred Felton MC, Copywriter, Author and Blogger was very kind to interview me recently. You can find Fred on Twitter here and his blog here

As discussed in the interview you can find The Boy From Sweden here. If you pay full price I will donate 100% of the revenue to CANSA and if you download it for free and review it I will donate the same amount. Code is SE46E

You can find my Facebook here

And as always if you have any questions please ask.

Charity Drive

Good day all,

Hope you are all well? My brother is fighting cancer, it has been a difficult time for the family, but everyone is doing their best to be positive My brother has had some help through the Cancer Association of South Africa and I wanted to do my bit to help. Every little helps! And if you know of any similar causes please let me know I want to help.

So until 31st July (will most probably extend) you can get The Boy from Sweden for free using the code SE46E at Smashwords or if you pay $1.99 I will donate 100% of the revenue ($1.39) to @CANSA

Or if you read the book for free or paid and review it I will donate another $1.39.

Smashwords

You can also find the book at these fine online retailers. 100% revenues from these sales will also be donated.

Barnes and Noble

iTunes

TXTR

Scribd

Eighty Fifth Friday Flash: Closer to the Sun

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Blinded by the sunset, quarters in my pocket, wind in my hair and wonder in my heart. 

Distance keeps away but inside we are together. Fear has no purchase here, every attempt denied. 

To touch is to feel and to feel is to touch. That's why I care about you so much. 

The horizon it will come. Every step closer to the sun. 

Magnetic are my thoughts, to you I am always pulled.

Eighty Fourth Friday Flash: No Place Like Gnome

 Labour minister Reddish Green was in today to answer questions in the Upper House of Parliament.

"When will the exploitation of gnomes stop?" asked Fairly Apt the leader of the opposition party.

"What exploitation?"

"Ha! The list is endless! They are paid minimum wage to stand in front of people's homes to be stared at and made fun of. How can you not call that exploitation?"

"Nonsense! It's tradition and they enjoy it."

"How about the gnomes who are forced to smoke pipes? Some are asthmatic for crumb's sake!"

"No one is forcing them to smoke and if they wish they can always switch to the new electronic smoking pipes."

"Bah! What about the vegetarian gnomes that are forced to fish? It's against all their principles!" Fairly Apt shook his fist.

"They are not forced to do anything. This is a waste of everyone's time and besides they are not even fishing for real fish!"

"You are not taking this seriously, I will not stand by while these poor people are used and abused!"

"I don't know where you are getting your fact from! Gnomes have one of the strongest unions there are. If anything they have it too good!"

Fairly Apt smiled an evil little smile. "What about the rumours you kicked a defenseless gnome?"

"I did no such thing! Hang on a minute since when did the opposition party members start sporting beards?"

"Ah oh!" said the imposter who was actually gnome in disguise. He jumped off his friend's shoulders and they both ran out the room.

Pandemonium broke out. The speaker of the house banged his gavel until there was order. He cleared his throat. "Be honest, did you kick a gnome or not?"

"Yes, but only because the dirty scoundrel pinched my wife's bottom!"

Eighty Third Friday Flash: Filbert

Filbert died during the evening of his 212th birthday. A day before he was due to open another park in his honour. It was a peaceful death. All his favourite droids were there. Some were saddened by his decision, others relieved. 

Now the title of best living male actor was up for grabs. His collection of 59 Oscars would take some beating. He collected 3 for his last project: The Robot King of Mars just last week. His critics were touting the fact that he wouldn't be getting more, ignoring that his closest rival had 7 and already retired from acting.

Much to the disappointment of his large family of 3478 members he left all his money, assets and future royalty earnings to the robot charity: "For the Betterment of Young Destitute Robot Actors."

All 3578 family members lodged appeals and complaints one second after Filbert's last will and testament was announced. All 3578 cases were rejected 0.1 seconds later.

His actions were applauded by his fans, supporters and public in general. All 3578 family members sent out statements that they weren't after his wealth and it was all their lawyer's fault. The lawyer didn't mind because he was paid 3578 times twice for the appeals and issuing the statements.

Filbert had a calm and triumphant smile on his face when he was deactivated by an "On Time Pass Away" device.

Some speculated it was a publicity stunt, but with new conspiracy theories and another statue of him being bronzed there was one thing everyone knew for sure, Filbert would never be forgotten.    

(Reality) Brief Brush with the Police

Last night (15th February) I was walking home from work (Coral) I walked past 3 police cars parked between a car service centre and a shoe shop. Didn't think much of it. Then another police car with two police officers close by looking around and pointing. My curiosity was piqued, but thought best to get in before I was caught up in it. Walking further a taxi cab came speeding up and stopped next to me. A policeman jumped out and rushed over and said: "Let's have a look at you, mate." He pulled back my beanie and hood (bloody freezing) and looked at me closer asking who I was, I replied: "I'm Craig.". He then said: "Looking for someone else." and walked off.

I felt a short thrill of excitement going through me moments later. Was caught up in something unusual. Also makes me wonder, why was the policeman using a taxi? And who were they looking for? @dlrphotography suggested it was my evil twin. Well, I hope he splits his ill gotten gains with me!

The Boy from Sweden (Release date and synopsis)

Hi all,

After a long break I will be releasing some new fiction. A new novella called The Boy from Sweden. The release date will be on February the 24th. It will be released through Smashwords and it will go live on Amazon and other sites soon after. 

Expecting an experience of a lifetime Gunter gets more than he ever imagined when he arrives in South Africa as an exchange student. Being badly injured in the crossfire of a hijacking, considering the circumstances he decides to stay against his parents' wishes. Creating a perfect life there, a tight bond with his host family, new friendships and falling in love with a girl. All of a sudden his perfect life takes a new direction, where those tight bonds will be pushed to the limits. An adventure that will take you on a journey where your values of love, friendship, compassion and forgiveness will be challenged.