Friday, 15 July 2011

Thirteenth Friday Flash: Goblin Gobbling

“I'm here today to meet Markus. One of the latest victims of goblin gobbling. Tell us what happened Markus?”

“The little buggers broken in last night and sucked them all dry. Now I have no produce today. None at all!”

“Your cows?”

“Yes, my darn cows. As you can see they are restless. It's a traumatic experience for them.”

“Enough to make their milk sour I can imagine. What are your theories on why the goblins are attacking cattle?”

“Shucks, I don't know. The taste?” said Markus leaning on a wooden fence that looked out over his farm. “Bert a couple of farms over said they sucked his goats bone dry and stole some of his chickens. The critters are more rambunctious by the day.”

“Are you happy about the patrols the local authorities have setup to protect your farm?”

“Hell no, I'm putting my own protection in place.”

“What kind of protection?”

A car horn blasted as a truck with a large cage on the back came up the dirt road.

“Just you wait and see, she's a beauty.”

The truck trundled past. The driver waving as he went by. Whatever was in the back didn't like it in there and was trying its hardest to get out. Bashing itself against the cage's sides.

“Ooee! We have a live one on our hands,” said Markus rubbing his hands together.

The reporter stood back as Markus and the driver opened up the back.

“I can't believe my eyes. It's a real life griffin. With the head and wings of an eagle and the body of a lion it truly is a terrifying beast to behold. Can you believe it folks?”

“Such a majestic creature,” said Markus as the driver unhooked the griffin's chain and pulled the beast off from the back of the truck.

“Is it legal to own one?”

“I don't own it... just a natural relocation. I feed it and it handles my goblin problem. Simple!” Markus took a piece of raw meat out of his pocket. The beast snatched it up with its massive beak. Swallowing the meat whole.

The griffin's massive eyes blinked a couple of times, as if gathering in its surroundings. It didn't seemed to be pleased. It squawked, and knocked Markus and the driver to the ground with its head.

Hooking its claw on the iron ring around its neck it yanked it off. Breaking it in two. Now free it launched itself into the air. Its massive wings flapping gracefully. Moments later it flew over the reporter's head and glided over the cow pasture. The cows scattered, avoiding the flying beast as best they could, but a calf with a 13 spray painted on the side wasn't so lucky, the griffin swooped down and carried it off into the distance.

“Damn you, Jeb, damn you...” shouted Markus hitting the driver with his hat as he tried to run away.

“So there you have it folks, goblin gobbling is truly causing havoc out here in farm country. And if you spot a griffin please do not approach and contact the relevant authorities immediately. And be sure to catch us next time when we cover the story of a mermaid that was spotted in Lake Ashford.”

* This is a follow up from The Rainbow Effect

** On a side note my fantasy novel Zoolin Vale and the Chalice of Ringtar was released on the Kindle for the first time today. Here are the links if you would like to check it out. Amazon UK Amazon US

*** Here's a link to the first book The Red Stone. It's not available on Kindle yet, but hopefully soon!


  1. Great little news item! I could see the griffin being a little testy and all. One of those cases where the cure is worse than the calamity.

    Congrats on getting into the Kindle Store! You might want to put a link to your first book at the bottom as well…

  2. Oh that's just how it goes. Next you'll need a dragon to get the

    Loved the voice you had with the reporter.

  3. I liked it. I liked how the farmer's plan backfired on him.

  4. @Far Exactly! And thank you. It's great to have the book in the Kindle store. The first one is still only available in paperback. Not sure why the publisher did it that way around. Hopefully there's a method to the madness!

    @Michael Thanks! Haha... a pretty dragon. This griffin is quite fierce.

    I'm sure the reporter will be having a lot more adventures in the future. Will most probably be a good idea to give him/her a name.

    @cookme25. Thank you!

  5. I have to go back and read the Rainbow effect but I dug this one alot... Great job.

  6. Enjoyed this a lot. Love the title - that's a tongue twister if ever there was one.

  7. Drat those goblins, they get in everywhere! Fun story.

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  9. Nice tale, Craig. Though I feel bad for the cows...being hunted by BOTH goblins and griffins...and interesting that the cow had the #13 on its side...

    This fellow keeps chunks of meat in his pocket to feed the griffin? My wife would kill me if I did that!

  10. Haha, a Griffin to guard cows? that's like having a fox to guard chickens from the weasels.

    A good chuckle story. :)

  11. P.S. I deleted the first comment because of the typo.

  12. Posting this from my blackberry so not sure if it will work.

    @Bukowski glad you like it and hope you like The Rainbow Effect too.

    @Rebecca thanks! Although I feel I could have elaborated on the whole goblin gobbling thing a bit more.

    @Helen thanks, like Gremlins I'm sure they will back with more mischief soon.

    @Alan you're right, maybe went a bit overboard on tormenting the cows. People were saying I should go with an unlucky theme seeing as though it's my 13th one. Was a tip of the hat to them :).

    As your wife should. Nasty habit! And thanks for stopping by.

    @Steve for sure! Not the best plan, but the farmer was desperate. Glad you liked it! And no worries on the typo. Happens to me quite a lot, but like to correct it when I can :).

  13. fun story! lol the solution is worse than the problem. lol will have to get something next to get the griffon.

  14. Ha ha! I loved your Markus character - so much personality and charm. It's always hard to figure where goblins fit in the food chain, isn't it? Great story, Craig.

  15. Markus should have known you need a professional griffin wrangler to manage one of those critters.

  16. Love how you captured the atmosphere of the reporter from the get go. Congrats on getting your books into the Kindle store, it looks like a fun book.

  17. Great! I really enjoyed it! So very different, I loved that. I'm going to have to read more of your stuff.

    Super good, thank you!
    Kwee Writings

  18. Griffins, goblins & cows - oh my! Fun story, Craig!

  19. @Sonia exactly, it's just beginning of Markus's worries :P

    @Tim Yup, I'm sure he's learnt his lesson now thought!

    @Aidan Thank you. Glad I got the feel right. I hope to develop the reporter more as write more flashes with him in. Now just to get everyone to know about the Kindle edition. Not easy.

    @A Kwee Life Thank you. Different is what I strive for.

    @Dawn I don't know how I got that combo together, but that's how it formed in my mind. Thanks for stopping by!

  20. Love the "country" feel of a couple of farmers talking about their flocks and herds, yet there are goblins and griffins. Win.
    Adam B @revhappiness