Friday, 11 May 2012

Fifty Third Friday Flash: Ghost Bus

Commuters by Rich Hinchcliffe

It was late, everything was closed, and there was no other way. He had to go home and face the consequences. Barry put his hand up for a taxi, the yellow vehicle shot past, seeming to totally ignore him.

“Damn it!”

He took out his phone, the bright screen danced in front of him and hurt his eyes. The taxi operator's number just rang and rang. Feeling a bit woozy he held onto the bus stop. A moment late a bus stopped in front of him and the doors opened. Barry hated taking the bus and waved his arms to tell the bus driver he wasn't interested. The bus didn't move.

“All right, all right!” he said stumbling forward making his way onto the bus. He dug into his pocket and dumped his change in the driver's general direction.

Dizzy, he sat down in the nearest open seat. The bus moved forward. For a few moments he sat there with his eyes closed lolling around in his seat. Opening his eyes to see if he recognized the area, he froze and his eyes grew large. All around him were shadowy shapes with bright eyes.

Barry shot up, fell, and crawled to the front, pulling on the sides of the seats. “What are you?”

The shapes ignored him, some looking out the window. Getting back onto his feet, he tried the door. It shook, but did not open.

“Driver! Let me out!”

Barry turned around, wanting to grab and shake the driver to his senses, but stopped midway when he saw the man was also a shadowy form with bright eyes.

“No! No! You can't do this. Let me out!”

Barry stared at all the passengers. Some were looking at him. As if wondering what the disturbance was. Then it all came flashing through his head. After his tenth shot of drink he had fallen off his chair. There was a blank spot and then he found himself outside.

“It can't be!” he said, he looked down at his hands. They were disappearing and a blinding light was filling his vision. A moment later his scream was cut off and all he was left with was his thoughts.


  1. Excellent :) Really enjoyed how you built up to the realisation of what had happened.

  2. Very trippy, even in the revelation stage. Poor fella!

  3. A nice unusual way to capture ghosts. It gives them a creepier impression.

  4. I sorta guessed where this was going but it didn't spoil the story for me. Well done!

  5. Clever reveal.
    Adam B @revhappiness

  6. As John says, very trippy indeed. Bye bye Barry!

  7. Great story. Was totally taken in and then when the twist came I thought, "Ahh, but of course" (or thoughts to that effect!)

  8. Seems like his tenth shot was "One for the road" in more ways than one. :)

  9. I've been on buses that have certainly felt like that! There's something creepy about late night transportation and you've really tapped into that.

  10. Good one! You captured an evasive creepiness that I really love in a story.

  11. Nice pacing and tension here — like Helen, I figured out where it was going but it didn't spoil the story at all.

  12. Craig great story with a neat twist - really felt for the poor guy.