Donna stuffed her pockets full of tissues. It was her last box, and she was on her way out to get some more. It was one of the worst colds she had had in years, she had gone through three boxes already. Popping some cold medication she headed out the door, she hoped to be back before the drowsiness set in.
The first store did not have her favorite variant Angel Wings. They offered her other brands, but she refused, she had tried them before, they would feel like sand paper to her already inflamed nose.
In a huff she went off to the next place, Pearlingtons, the biggest retail store in town. They had everything you need and a lot you didn't. It was quite a drive, but they had never let her down before. Blowing her nose with the second last of her tissues she made her way to the aisle.
She stared dumbly at the shelf where the Angel Wings normally were. This just could not be! She clicked her fingers at the nearest Pearlington employee.
“Oi, sunshine!”
The shop assistant sighed and shuffled over. Donna wondered if the kid was old enough to work there.
“Ma'am?”
“Angel Wings, where are the Angel Wings?”
“The what sorry?”
“Angel Wings tissues!” said Donna pounding her foot.
“Oh those, we don't sell them anymore.”
“What? That's insane! Call the manager.”
“Umm... but it's such a small problem...”
Donna went a little further down the aisle and knocked over a Feathersoft tissue display. “Do you doubt the seriousness of my request now?”
“Crazy old bat,” muttered the boy.
“I will pretend I didn't hear that, now go!”
A bit shame faced the assistant shuffled off again.
Donna wondered if maybe she was a bit harsh, but she shook her head, how could they not stock Angel Wings? It was an outrage. Some shoppers stared at her, but soon stopped when she glared at them back.
A few moments later a tall man arrived, he was about twice her height.
“I understand you're causing a disturbance?”
“No, you listen to me, where are my Angel Wings?”
“They have been discontinued.”
“I don't believe it!”
“Maybe you would like to try new the Feathersoft?” he asked grabbing a box from a nearby shelf and offering it to her.
She knocked the box out of his hand. “Never!”
“Calm down ma'am!”
That was it, she snapped. Donna gripped the man by the tie, pulling him down to her eye level. With a full back swing she slapped him across the face.
“That calm enough for you?”
The man fell over, squashing half a dozen Feathersoft tissue boxes. There was a spot of blood coming from his nose. He just sat there, his eyes large and his hand pressed against his cheek. She threw her last Angel Wings at him and stomped away. She had a strongly worded email to write when she got home.
I think Donna lost a little more than her *wings* there!
ReplyDeletePretty realistic… wife insists on Puffs, although she wouldn't go this far if a store were out of stock. Maybe. :-)
Was "a lot your didn't" a typo, or a bit of non-US slang I'm not familiar with?
Haha I agree Larry!
ReplyDeleteSometimes it's the smallest things that push us over the edge ;-p.
Just a typo! Thank for spotting it. Cold is still fogging up the mind a bit.
Haha, "Angel Wings" was a regional brand of tampons around here, so stuffing her pockets with tissues had another meaning to me. I'm pretty sure it's just a cold, though!
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ReplyDeleteOh, how I loved this Craig! "That calm enough for you?!" :)You are such an excellent writer and always exceed my expectations.
ReplyDeleteHa! I used to be a supervisor at a supermarket, so I enjoyed this. I never got slapped though!
ReplyDeleteI kind of agree with John, too. While I'm not familiar with the brand he mentions, the name itself felt a little "dirty" to me!
Haha that must have been a peculiar image John! Not sure why I chose the name. Just popped into my head and went for it.
ReplyDeleteThank you Leigh! I will remember that compliment for quite some time to come.
Glad you liked it Jack. I can imagine you were witness to quite a lot of peculiar behaviour?
Haha....I'm finding it hard to think of them as tissues now!
Nice bit of humor. I can't help thinking that blowing my nose on angel wings sounds about the same as wiping it on my sleeve.
ReplyDeleteDear me a bad cold does stuff up one's head and mind it appears. Still I know how she feels, you just get to like one product when some greater power decided its not selling enough and deletes it.
ReplyDeleteGo on Donna give 'em a slap for me too! ^__^
I laughed all the way through this and loved the dialogue.
(Dear Craig can you put back you subscribe to comments by email button pleeeease ^_^)
Wow, I wouldn't want to be in the poor assistant's shoe's if she ever finds out her favourite chocolate bar has been discontinued. :)
ReplyDeleteOh Donna, I understand your frustration, but then it also just seems so wrong to blow your nose on Angel Wings. I suppose it's a good job the stores didn't put up signs saying Angel Wings had been discontinued, that could have caused a whole other kind of panic...
ReplyDeleteEvery time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings...that's going to have a whole new meaning for me now!
ReplyDeleteA timely post to read for me, as I could use a box of Angel Wings for this cold. This had me laughing out loud! People do tend to take their product loyalty seriously, I suppose. Loved it!
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