My Sixth Friday Flash: Chicken or Beef?

Her eyes blazed with anger. The airlines ticket agent stared back at her impassively and pointed at the sign above, which said No Trolls Allowed. "I'm sorry Ma'am, there's nothing I can do." 

"Do you know how long it took to get a suit that fitted him so he wouldn't look out of place in business class?" 

The man sighed. "I don't make the rules, besides he has a large bone through his nose." 

Terence the troll snorted. "You can't do this!" shouted Alice Samson bashing her fist against the counter. "He has every right to be on that plane!" 

 "My deepest apologies, would you still like your seat? If you have a carrier we can load up your friend in the cargo bay." 

"Outrageous!" 

As calm as ever the agent pointed at a door behind him. "If you like, you can speak to the manager. The queue is beginning to back up." 

Alice looked behind here. There were about twenty people behind them. "Fine!" Grabbing Terence's hand she pulled him around the counters and knocked rapidly on the door. There was no reply. Fuming, Alice snatched the door open and pulled Terence in. His seven and half foot bulk having to duck down and squeeze in his shoulders to fit in. 

"Hey! Who are you?" asked a thin man with black hair and a look of distain on his face. "I'm a pissed off customer that's who I am!" 

"I'll call you back," said the man putting his phone down. Breathing in deeply he smiled and inter-weaved his fingers. "Now, how may I help you young lady?" 

 Alice didn't like the man already. She hated being called young lady. "Your butthead of an agent said my troll can't join me on the flight." 

"I can assure you my agents don't have butts for heads, and I'm sorry to say he's right." The man's words were dripping with sweetness, which upset Alice even more. 

"It's not fair!" Terence could feel the tension. The veins in his neck were bulging and pulsating. He didn't like seeing Alice upset. She gripped his arm in an effort to cool him down. 

The manager quickly glanced at the troll. Seeming to sneer at his pin-stripe suit and the briefcase he held in his hand. A brief case that was dwarfed by his massive hand. 

"It's company policy, trolls in the past have damaged our seats and planes. Sometimes causing thousands in damage." 

"Not Terence!" 

"We are in the process of building planes with special reinforced seats." 

"Not good enough." The manager got out of his seat and walked towards them. I've had enough of your sass young lady. Now I will have to ask you to leave before I call security." 

 "No, you will get me on that plane or I will scream!" Alice stamped her foot. 

 A tick developed in the man's jaw. "Didn't your parents teach you any manners?" 

"My parents have nothing to do with this." 

Fed up the manager took her by the shoulder to lead her out. 

"No Terence!" Before she could do anything to stop him Terence picked up the man by throat and slammed him against the wall. Alice pulled Terence away. 

The man groaned and slumped to the floor. "Terence very sorry..." said the troll glumly. 

"Ah, it's okay, I didn't like him anyway," said Alice. "Looks like we will have to rent a car again." 

"Terence driving!" said the Troll his big brown eyes widening with excitement. 

"Do you remember the last time you drove?" 

"Terence broke the steering wheel..." His shoulders slumped. 

"One day we will buy you a tank or something," she said patting him on the back. "For now the faster we get out of here the better." 

The End

My Fifth Friday Flash: Deadman's Paint

Deadman's Paint



"I don't want it!"

"You do!" said my friend Nigel.

"I don't know, it belonged to a dead man, you said?"

"Was of natural causes... so don't worry. Besides what choice do you have?"

It was true. Times had been tough if I was going to pay the rent I was going to have to produce a new painting soon. And wih no money for paints it was a blessing to say the least, but I still didn't like it! "Oh, alright man!"

"That's the spirit!" said Nigel passing the box of paints over. "I will be back on Friday to pick up the painting."

"Are you nuts?"

"That's when my next open show is... remember?"

"Ah, yes, I had better to get started," I said shutting the door.

I trudged up to my studio flat. I seemed to have very little energy lately, as if a bunch of sparklies were draining my life's blood every evening. Grabbing my almost cold mug of black coffee I took the sheet off my biggest easel. A blank canvas awaited. Downing the last bit of the black stuff I set up all my paints neatly and got my brushes ready. I dipped the brush in the green and slowly moved my hand to the canvas and then slowly brought it back.

"What the hell am I going to paint?"

I stood there for what seemed like twenty minutes before I cursed and threw the brush in a waiting glass jar of water. Fed up with myself I grabbed a half finished bottle of tequilla and fell face forward into my big comfy couch/bed. Squashing a couple of tubes of paint I had forgotten on the couch. Crying silent tears I shifted my face enough to get in a few good swigs of tequila. Soon it was empty. I let my only comforting friend, the darkness of sleep engulf me.

I woke up to brightlight. And Nigel walking into my room. I forgot he had a key.

"Hey, Nigel," I said groggily. "You know it's not Friday right?"

Oddly there was no reply, but that wasn't the weird part. I couldn't feel my body. I couldn't feel anything.

"John? Are you here? You didn't answer your bell?" Nigel, in his pin stripe suit proceeded to have a quick look around then he focused eyes on me. His eyes grew large. "What amazing work!"

"What work? I haven't even started yet!"

Nigel came closer. All of a sudden he picked me up and swung me around and placed me under his arm. "The gallery is going to love this!"

"Nigel! Nigel! Put me down!"

What was going on?

A few moments later he locked me in his boot. Was I dead? Was he going to put my corpse on display?

What seemed like an eternity later I saw light again. It was Nigel's brightly lit gallery. My vision focused. There was a mirror on the opposite wall. I could see myself. I could finally see myelf. I let out a scream that would make the shrillest of girls proud. I was trapped inside a painting. In the reflection I could see myself. I was about to be hanged from a noose, a bottle of tequilla clutched in one hand and a tube of paint in the other... There was a sign above the painting: "Art will be the death of me." I let out another silent scream.

My Fourth Friday Flash Horse Serum/Tiger Blood

Hi all,

Here's my fourth #fridayflash. Only been edited a couple of times so might have a few gremlins. Let me know what you think :).

Ramone paced back and forth. He couldn't believe he was going through with it. But what choice did he have? His professional career was over, and if he had any hope of staying in the sport and supporting his family he would have to go through with it. Besides his huge gambling debt wasn't going to pay itself.

"Mr. Ramone," said a sturdy looking nurse. With some training she could become a pretty decent boxer. He shook the thought from his mind. "Doctor Baloyi will see you now."

The doctor's room was bare and spotless. A stark contrast to the run down look of the outside. He supposed it was a good disguise. What he was doing wasn't exactly legal.

The doctor stood there with a huge syringe filled with a luminous yellow liquid. "Is that the cougar serum?"

"Ah, didn't my nurse Maggie SMS you?"

Ramone just shook his head.

"We couldn't get any. The batch was stopped at customs. Luckily it can't be traced back to me."

"So umm... what do you have there?"

"Horse serum. It's new. My own formula."

Ramone sighed. He wasn't surprised. When did anything go his way? "But I wanted the cougar stuff. I wanted to be fast and atheltic!"

"But a horse is all all those things plus extra strength."

"I don't know."

"You could always wait until next month when new stock arrives," said the doctor lowering the syringe.

"No! No! I have a fight this weekend. You said it will take 24 hours to take effect?"

"Yes, are you ready? And remember you signed a disclaimer by the door. Myself and anyone connected to my clinic are not responsible for any side-effects no matter how serious they may be. Is that clear?"

"Yup, now can we get it over with please."

Ramone could hear the crowds waiting outside. They knew they weren't for him. They were never for him. They were for Claw: the pioneer of genetically enhanced boxing. The undisputed champ. But he was going to show him. He was going to show them all. The transformation had been painful and he could hardly recognize himself in the mirror, but he knew it was worth it. Today he was going to change his lfe around.

Pacing, punching the air Ramone had never felt fitter. He scratch his rear. It had been extra itchy the last hour or so.

Donning his shiny silver robe Ramone made it up the ramp to the underground boxing ring. The ring was caged in. Punters and filled the room to capacity. Their shouts and whistles were almost deafening.

Claw was waiting. The man looked bigger than ever. The tiger blood in his veins had boosted his muscles to epic proportions. Without his horse serum he knew he wouldn't have a stood chance.

Ramone entered the ring and the gate closed and locked behind him. Until the match was over or either of them were dead the gate would stay locked.

An announcer stood on top of the cage. "In this corner we have the king of the ring, the knockout champ and undisputed champion of the world Claw!"

The crowd erupted into an extra level of crazy. .

"And his very brave opponent is ex-pro boxer and one time number one contender Ramone the Rocket!"

Ramone tried not to think the fight ahead. From the countless hours he had watched Claw he knew that he had to be fast. Just a single clean punch from the beast of a man was enough to knock anyone out.

Ramone dropped his robe. Unexpectedly the crowd went silent and then a moment later burst out laughing. Their faces were contorted in unadulterated glee. He followed their pointing fingers. It was a tale. His tale. From being an irritating stub at home a couple of hours ago had turned into a fully blown horse's tail.

Overwhelmed by it all Ramone was frozen in shock and humilation. A moment later the bell rang. Stuck in place Ramone watched in horror as a huge red glove filled his vision...

10 Book Challenge

Hi All,

Last week I was looking at my growing book collection and I realized there was a very good chance I will never get a chance to read them all. So I came up with a plan. A crazy plan. I will read 10 books at a time. 21 pages a go. So in a cycle I will go 21 42 63 etc... I'm hoping I won't get utterly lost and lose a sense of what the books are about. So far I've read 21 pages of 10 books. Quite a few times I had to tear myself away from reading more. It has been a good experience so far and I think it is has really rekindled my love for starting a new book. I bet you might be wondering which books they are. Well here's a list and what I think of them so far:

Kill the Dead by Richard Kadrey:

I'm enjoying this book so far. It's about renegade angel bounty hunter who likes to say the word "Ass" a LOT. I like Richard's take on vampires and his kick ass writing style, but can't help but feel there is something lacking. Hopefully the next 21 pages will fix that.

The Rise of the Iron Moon by Stephen Hunt

The royal family seems to be imprisoned in some sort of breeding program. There are clockwork machines that are more advanced than humans, and a prison full of criminally insane guarded by a vetren warden and a new recruit. A lot of threads to follow. Haven't really got a good feel of the book yet, but I have a feeling it's going to be pretty epic.

Language Change: Progress or Decay? By Jean Aitchison

An indepth guide into the state of the English language. The book is from 1981 so it seems prety outdated, but it's interesting so far and look forward to seeing what insights it might have. In my opinion the English language is continuously evolving, and I think that can only mean progress.

Guns, Germs and Steel by Jared Diamond
(A short history of everybody for the last 13,000 years)

As the sub-title says this is about the history of human kind. Why it has developed in the way it has. The book has raised some interesting questions so far and I look forward finding out more.

Extras by Scott Westerfield

A YA novel set in a future where your face rank is just about the most important thing there is. The higher your rank the more important you are. The story is about girl with a measly rank of 451,369 and how she tries to get in with the in crowd. With the popularity of Facebook. It doesn't seem that far fetched. The book has a lot of energy and definitely one of my favourites of the 10 so far.

Perseus Spur by Julian May (The Rampart Worlds Book One)

I've had this trilogy of books for a long time and been looking forward to reading them for quite a while. The first book hasn't disappointed so far. A down on his luck ex-government official who was targeted for exposing corruption has fled to a far out of reach distant world. After washing away his sorrows and almost drinking himself to death he was helped back on his feet with some assitence from his sister. All goes well until a suspicious character shows up on one of his charter trips to the local reefs. And his suspicions are heightened when he returns home to find out his house had been eat by a giant sea toad...

Ruler of the Realm by Herbie Brennan (Book 3 of the Faerie Wars Series)

Got this set of books for Christmas a few years back. Been enjoying them immensely ever since. In my honest opinion one of the best/if not the best real world/fairy world crossover books ever. Being YA novels Herbie Brennan has spared none of the gory details and tries to gross you out at almost every turn. And being books full of magic/strange creatures he has done a fine job of keeping it realistic. Being the third book it is hard to say much with out spoilers. So I will say it is on par with the rest of the books and bound to make me want to read more.

Bone Gods by Caitlin Kittredge

Won this book with Kill the Dead through Twitter the end of last year. From the cover it seems like a Twilight clone, but I will tell you now it is far better than the Twilight series could ever hope to be. I could spend all day bashing Twilight, but we both have better things to do, and a lot of people like the books and I can't blame them for that. Plus I haven't read the books so I had better shut up :P. Back to the book. There has been a strange occult murder and Pete (Petunia) has been called into help investigate. What I like the book so far is the dark sense of humour and the noir feel to it. Like Richard, Caitlin has a favourite word and that word is "Shite". I don't know how much time Caitlin has spent in the UK, but she does a pretty good job of reproducing the accents and mannerisms.

Mussolini's Island by John Follian
(The invasion of Sicily through the eyes of those who witnessed the campaign)

This is the first Military History novel I've read. The writing style is very straight forward, but still does a very good job of putting me in the heads of the people involved. It's adding up to be one of my favourites of the 10.

The Shadow of the Torturer by Gene Wolfe

One of the masterpieces of the fantasy genre. Oddly, I'm finding it hard to get into the book. Maybe it's the writing style. I found I had to re-read quite a few paragraphs to actually figure out what was going on, but I'm sure with time I will get used to it and pick up a good rhythm. I'm guessing at page 42, just when I have to switch over to the next book.

Well that's all ten. So far I haven't regretted starting the challenge and I think it might become habit forming. What do you think? It's a good idea? Let me know if you start or have done something similar. And if you have read any of the above books please let me know what you thought of them. Although the less spoilers the better thanks.

My First Radio Interview

Had a blast with JP Naude on his Power Hour show yesterday. And it was so cool to see the Good Hope Fm studios in person. Everyone was very friendly and professional. I was a bit wracked with nerves near the start of the interview, but picked up confidence. Have had a lot of nice comments about my voice. I think it's what saved the day! Would love to do more in the future. We spoke a bit about my books The Red Stone and the follow up book Zoolin Vale and Chalice of Ringtar. As well as a project I'm working on with three other writers Jani Grey, Lood Du Plessis and Dave-Brendon De Burgh. Crumbling Ruins, a post apocalyptic novel with four characters hellbent on escaping their captors. It's a weird tale that will have you laughing in places and cringing in disgust in others.

If you would like to listen to the interview you can listen to it on YouTube here