Twenty-Seventh Friday Flash: Fight For Your Right

There was a protest march going on outside the court house. Putting on his special goggles so he could see his interviewee properly the reporter went over to meet one of the protestors.

“Good day, Mr. Johnson.”

Mr. Johnson nodded and smiled. “Good day.”

“Can you please tell us a bit more about your cause?”

“Well, we're sick and tired of being marginalized, we have just as much right as everyone else.”

“Many see your efforts as frivolous, that it doesn't really matter?”

“Bah humbug to them,” said Mr. Johnson blowing a raspberry. “The way I see it they're lucky to have us, society has taken a nose dive , and I believe that myself and the members of our party have what it takes to pull this country and maybe the world straight.”

“No one can deny that you have a lot of experience in this field, what do you hope to achieve today?”

“The right to take part in the presidential election of course. We're have to aim high if we are going to make any changes.”

Slogan filled placards danced behind Mr. Johnson, ranging from the bitter to the jovial: “I can't believe I'm not getting any royalties from Teddy Bears.” “Presidents need free cosmetic dentistry too.” “Give us the reins!” "You don't get more transparent than us!" and “I can has president?”

“A lofty goal indeed,” said the reporter. “And I understand you will be voting for a party leader tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

“There are quite a few contenders for the spot?”

“Yes, Washington, Roosevelt and so on, too many horses if you ask me.”

“Who will you be backing?”

“Abe come here!”

A tall man in a black suit and top hat came over. He was carrying a placard that read: “I can has President?”

“How can you say no to this face?”

Abe Lincoln smiled. “I like the YouTube.”

“He's very umm... excitable?”

“Don't let his LOLcat addiction fool you, he can be a very serious man when he needs to be.”

“So there you have it folks, the Ghost Party, a gimmick or do they really have a shot at the presidency?”

* I wrote this earlier today so please point out any errors you might spot.
** If you liked this fantasy/reality blend you might also like these stories The Rainbow Effect Goblin Gobbling Frankie Goes To Tripoli

Twenty-Sixth Friday Flash: Trick or Treat

Tom sat on his couch eating popcorn and watching a movie. He hadn’t felt so relaxed in ages.

The doorbell rang.

“Tom can you get it!” shouted his wife from the kitchen.

“Okay!” replied Tom.

Tom slouched over to the door and swung it open.

“Trick or treat!” shouted a chorus of little horrors.

“Ah!” screamed Tom. He had to get rid of them before they decided to come inside.

Doing his best to not look at them he reached for the prepared bowl of candy and chucked the contents outside. He slammed the door and leaned against it. The scattershot should keep them busy for a while.

His wife came into the hallway drying her hands with a kitchen towel. “Trick or treaters?”

“Yeah, they were gruesome, a nurse, a schoolboy, a plumber and a pilot. There was even an angry villager with a burning torch and pitch fork, can you believe that?”

His wife laughed, her fangs shining in the artificial light. “You’re such a wussy, they’re just kids. And besides have you looked in the mirror lately?”

Tom turned to the mirror. The stiches across his head were all in order and he was just the right shade of greenish grey. He stroked the stubble on his chin. "You’re right honey, I do need a shave.”

Fourteenth Friday Flash: Frankie Goes to Tripoli

Frankie had had enough. Everyday it was the same crap over and over again. The media couldn't seem to go a minute without mentioning it. Phone hacking this, phone hacking that. Frankie just wanted them to grow up. It wasn't the first time someone had done something devious to get ahead and certainly wouldn't be the last. To put it in a nutshell humanity was pissing Frankie off.

That's why he liked being an Orc. If an Orc had a problem with another Orc he would just punch the bugger out. Normally out stone cold. And if it happened to him, he more than likely deserved it.

But what could he do? The people involved had been arrested, companies were ruined and jobs were lost. Causing them more harm seemed excessive. Plus reasoning with the media was impossible and would most probably make it worse if it was.

That's when he decided he would make his own news. A story so large it would get everyone's attention. Yeah, that's right. He was going invade Libya. He was going to do what humanity didn't have the balls to do. Utilizing his Orc Special Forces (OSF) they were going to take Gaddafi out once and for all.

It wouldn't be a cheap operation, but the bounty the rebels had put on his head was more than enough to cover expenses. Plus knowing a few key officers in the coalition wasn't a bad thing either. Some had even offered some unofficial help.

“Frankie,” said his second in command through his earpiece. Jordan was a chameleon/human hybrid. He had blended in as one of the reporters covering Gaddafi's latest TV interviews. “He's about to talk.”

“Excellent, let me know when he has everyone's attention.”

“I could disguise myself as one of his mistresses and take him out, real quiet like.”

“Jordan, we have to make a statement here, remember?”

“I know, shock and awe.”

“That's my boy!”

“Okay, go go go! He's just started one of his rambling rants that puts everyone into a trance.”

Frankie and the rest of his hidden Orcs jumped into action. In no time Frankie had the crusty dictator by the throat. All Gaddafi's personal guards were dead, or wishing they were. Frankie's Orcs went off to secure the rest of the compound.

Gaddafi was mumbling something. Frankie wasn't listening. It was his moment now. He was going to show them what a real news story was about. His huge army knife hovered millimeters away from the dictator’s neck.

“You can't kill him,” said one of the reporters. “It's against the law.”

“That's where you're wrong. It's well documented his men has attacked Orc convoys. Sometimes killing my people. That's a crime punishable by death. And you can blather on about how this is not my kingdom, but I don't give a damn. It's about time...”

There was loud scream. It was a woman reporter. She was on her phone.

Everyone turned to her.

“What is it?” asked one of the reporters.

“I can't believe it!”

“Spit it out!” said Frankie.

“Paris Hilton's dog has just given birth. She's currently being interviewed.”

“Oh MY God!” screamed another reporter.

“Come! There's a TV in the bar area, let's go watch!”

Within moments Frankie was standing alone with Gaddafi.

“Son of a goblin!” Frankie grabbed Gaddafi by the beck and tossed him through the air. “These people deserve you.”

Gaddafi landed with a thud.

“Jordan, Jordan where are you?”

“Aw... she's going to call the puppy Twinkles. How sweet is that?”

“Jordan!”

“Just kidding boss, I'm right here.” Jordan tapped him on the shoulder.

“I thought the whole world had gone insane.” Frankie sat down, with his head in his hands. “That being said, I just don't care anymore. These humans are truly mad.”

“My chameleon half agrees with you.” Jordan patted Frankie on the shoulder. “What say you we go grab some beer?”

“Excellent idea. And bring Gaddafi over there. The rebels will pay us even more if we take him in alive.”

*I know there are many spellings for Gaddafi, but it's what Wikipedia and Google says so I'm sticking with it :).

Eleventh Friday Flash: The Rainbow Effect

Illustration by Storm Shorter. Follow her on Twitter @Shewolf222

You can also found out all about her book The Key to Eternal Glory here



Capital City – The government has vowed to clampdown on the scourge of schools across the country. Yes, they are going to ban the use of unicorn shavings. Previously not legislated at all the drug was and most probably still is used by pubescent girls nationwide. Used to get a high it can have them in a stupor for days on end. There have been reports of girls going into deep comas.

Of course the UBA (Unicorn Breeders Association) is up in arms about this. Their biggest source of income is set to be wiped over night. The head of the association. Gangreen Magee is quoted as saying: “What are we going to do with all these unicorns? We can only do so many kids parties before they start getting rowdy. It's a damn shame!”

There have been massive online petitions from girls who say it's all harmless and only a bit of fun. I stopped and asked a girl who was waving a placard around that said: “Give us horn or give us death!” why she liked the shavings so much. She had this to say. “It's like so cool and stuff. After school I just hang with my girlfriends zoning out with it. There are rainbows and butterflies.”

To get a male perspective I stopped to an ask boy who seemed to have been dragged there by his girlfriend what he thought of the whole thing. “It's bogus dude. Girls have all the fun. I tried the stuff and it all did was give me hives. It should be banned. Look at Mary (his girlfriend) she's dancing around like a loon.”

So will the rainbow effect as the kids have called the unicorn shavings high be a thing of the past or will it go underground? I spoke to Iam Naught-High a drug specialist about the problem. He had this to say. “Imagine chocolate and times it by ten. That's what the rainbow effect is like. It's horribly addictive. It's a serious concern, girls in this stage of their lives are very vulnerable. Banning is the only option, but back to your question. Yes, it will go underground and the price will skyrocket.”

There you have it folks. For good or bad the rainbow effect is here to stay. Be sure to read my next article where I will be discussing the growing problem of goblin gobbling.


*Just finished this one so I apologize if it's a bit rough around the edges

Eighth Friday Flash: Gorilla Pequeno

(This story was inspired by the above photo. I would credit the photographer, but I was unable to find their details)

Santos was no ordinary man. He was about half the height of anyone else for one thing, and another was he wore a gorilla suit to work. He was a sideshow at a carnival. They called him Gorilla Pequeno or little gorilla. It was enough to keep him and his family fed, but little else. It was his 15th wedding anniversary tomorrow and he had nothing for his wife. All his money had gone on new tires for his truck. He knew he wife would understand, but he had to do something special for her. She worked hard looking after their daughter and washing the carnival's laundry. Most of her salary went on the boarding school they sent their daughter to. So this year a crazy plan formed in his head. The carnival was leaving first thing in the morning, which give him just enough time to do what he had to do before they left, and before anyone found out what he had done, they would be long gone. He was especially afraid of his own people finding out. If they did, he would never hear the end of it.

Someone knocked on the door. “A minute until show time.”

Santos's stomach was turning over like a washing machine. He eyed the window, maybe he should make a run for it. He thought of his wife, the present he wanted to get her and gritted his teeth, besides there was no way he could reach the window anyway.

Moments later he was on the stage. The all female audience went crazy. Santos timidly made his way to the centre and began to dance.

“Oh yeah, shake it baby!” shouted a middle aged woman shaking some one dollar bills in the air.

Santos let the music and the three shots of tequila he had before the show take control. Much to his amazement and embarrassment the crowd adored him. He never thought owning a gorilla suit could make him so much money.

Before he knew it the silver ring he spotted at the pawn shop was his and he was outside his family's trailer. It was just past midnight. He opened the door as quietly as he could, but it wasn't quiet enough. Maria, his wife, heard him. She had been watching TV and had passed out on the couch.

It took a moment for her eyes to focus. She wiped the drool from her chin. “Where have you been?”

Santos couldn't think of a better time. “I went to get this for you, babe.”

Her eyes light up. She took the ring box and opened it. “Aw, it's beautiful!”

“Read in the inscription.”

“To my darling wife. Forever and always, Santos.”

“I love it!” she placed it on her elegant long fingers. Then she started to sniff the air, and she frowned.

“What's that smell?”

Santos had a very bad sense of smell and shrugged.

“Where have you been?”

“I...I...”

“Have you been behind my back?” She got up, and towered over him. “You're trying to cover it up by buying me this expensive gift?”

“No...no.”

“Tell the truth.. now!” her voice was getting higher and higher pitched.

He went forward to hug her. She pushed him away. “Okay... okay.” He told her everything.

She began to laugh. A sense of relief flooded over him, but it soon turned to stunned astonishment.

“Do you expect me to believe that bullcrap!”

“It's the truth!”

“Out... get out! I don't want to see your face right now.”

“But...” Santos knew from previous experience that there was no reasoning with her.

She maneuvered him towards the door and when it was open she shoved him out. He landed on his back in the mud. “And you can give this to your whore!” she ripped off the ring and threw it at him.

His gorilla suit was full of mud, Santos hugged himself and went over and sat next to the family dog. The dog stared at him with sad eyes. Santos sniffed. “You believe me, don't you Pepe?”

The End